Sooo… Time for another 'still not dead' update. A lot of things suddenly happened very fast and judgement befell me. For now the quest to find out what the hell is wrong with my brain has ended and I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder :I
It's something I'm both very sad and very relieved about.
I'm sad because it's obviously not fun having developed a full-blown mental disorder. I have a period of time ahead of me where I can only hope and pray that I've been properly diagnosed and given the right medicine and that it'll make me better, not physically ill or something. If it works out okay I suppose I have to take nasty ass pills for many years to come/the rest of my life.
I'm relieved because for once the health care system has taken me seriously without a lot of fuss, and I no longer have to worry whether I've just been kind of neurotic when my greatest fear in life for the last 6-8 years literally has been 'someday I will be diagnosed bipolar and there's nothing I can do about it'. Somehow I just… saw this coming from a mile away.
Actually, having your greatest fear come true is strangely manageable when you're standing in the middle of it. I guess there's a good life lesson in there somewhere. Never underestimate how adaptable you and every other human being is.
I don't know… If I have to take some positive things away from this whole shebang, I think there're plenty of things I've learned to understand. Not just Know, but really Understand.
Such as, even when you fail absolutely everything the people who matter will still stick around, and if they don't then they should just go get fucked anyway.
And, it's a lot easier and more beneficial to just be straight forward about things and not care what people think than it sometimes seems.
And, things will work out eventually if you keep working on them, no matter how slow and draining the process is.
Look how positive I sound, it's downright disgusting
Anyway. Art. Comics!
I have sworn that I'll have at least one Rebound page done before B.I.B.L.E. turns 4 (on May 24th). It's not a choice; it's a motherfucking obligation I intend to live up to.
It also doesn't sound like much, but that's the game as it is now. I have to teach myself that I a) can't handle a lot of stress and b) am too stubborn to allow myself not to keep a deadline no matter if it's killing me. That means that I don't know if B.I.B.L.E. will ever get back to any sort of regular update schedule.
I just need to learn how to take proper care of myself and know how to stop while I'm on top of my game.
Thanks for understanding